Oinker Doinkers

Who is Oinker Doinkers?

(An excerpt from the documentery 'Grocery Boys: Fear and Loathing in Rimersburg')

"I knew Claeb for years before we had computer programming class together, but only then did we discover our shared love for anarchy, piss taking, and the acknowledgment of the ridiculousness of our situation.

One day after school we walked to the car wash to huff some nitrous when he told me he wanted to try some pills. I knew of a certain legal medication that he would really enjoy. We immediately started eating cold pills together. We went to the store and bought some root beer and the beloved mucus DM. I downed my dose and sent him on his way.

He called me once he got home and asked for instructions. I told him to take the whole bottle for good measure, and to insure that he would break into hyperspace. He complained of the added bitter flavor that deters abuse, which I had already grown accustomed to, and hung up. About an hour later he texted me in a confused state. He told me tales of dry heaving in the washer, and scary hallucinations. I told him to enjoy the ride and good luck.

I saw him in school the next day, and we were both still very high from our excessive consumption. We decided to go to the nurse and go home to enjoy the rest of our brain damage.

We decided that we were now a duo. Oinker Doinkers. We made our first record in the school's studio with permission from our teacher. If only she knew how much we appreciate her misguided encouragement. Claeb and I hung out at the park every day after school for months. We would sell copies of our album for two dollars, go buy two bottles of Mucus DM and chocolate milk, then go swallow the whole bottle under the pavilion at the park.

For many months we drank and drugged our little minds into oblivion amd brought the most wonderful music back from the pit. Geetar and Sung and Speedballs. Extreme Tummy Ache, A Tape By Us, Pig F*ck, ETC. Our lyrics could be very offensive to some, but they are simply perspectives of many people on earth. We sang and spoke of the raunchy things many people wouldn't want to, and most of the time made fun of it. Take what you will from that and kindly munch a cauliflower.

To help you understand the oinker doinker frame of mind, you have to know that we created our own religion. We prayed to St. Hibi. He would help decide what to get high on, where to drool on ourselves, what music to go to what lyrics, and so on. It was liberating. It felt like I could just let my juices flow. I never felt like I was running dry. I never clenched my walls.

God bless you and may you engage in the rite of St. Hibi. God bless. "

- Joshie Lint